TOMMY’S HOLIDAY CAMP

Dear Alice, Well another week, another dollar and one very tired Tristan following his school camp to Lake Macquarie. He arrived home on Thursday exhausted, coughing, spluttering and covered in about thirty lumpy mozzie bites. Needless to say he had Friday off. It did him the world of good and he was back up and running for his important basketball game on Saturday morning against a very strong Barker team. Despite...

MORNING THEFT

Dear Alice, Why is it that people say they ’slept like a baby’ when we all know babies actually wake up every two hours? Why is it that toasters include settings that burn toast to a blackened crisp, when no-one in the their right mind could possibly want to eat the result? If Jimmy cracks corn and no-one cares, why did some idiot write a stupid song about him? When a deaf person goes to court, is it...

THE LAUGHING POLICEMAN

Dear Alice, Well it’s probably a long way from your consciousness, but it still burns brightly in mine. This week however, I have had little choice but to concede defeat and pay your $50 train fine. I really have done all I can to get leniency from the computer robots at the State Debt Recovery Office. Due to a small technicality though, they have simply refused to budge or respond like human beings ought. Each of...

SCOTLAND THE BRAVE

Dear Alice, Wednesday was Monte’s first day at work. As you know he recently qualified as a therapy dog for the Delta Society and has been placed at a local facility for the intellectually disabled once a week. He seemed terribly excited as we passed through the front gates for the first time all washed and brushed with just a hint of cologne… Monte looked pretty good too! About twenty to thirty people were...