MORNING THEFT

Dear Alice, Why is it that people say they ’slept like a baby’ when we all know babies actually wake up every two hours? Why is it that toasters include settings that burn toast to a blackened crisp, when no-one in the their right mind could possibly want to eat the result? If Jimmy cracks corn and no-one cares, why did some idiot write a stupid song about him? When a deaf person goes to court, is it...